I'd like to say that I am NOT making fun of the following people: <clears throat and lifts a flexi> Darth Vader, Michael Jackson, those guys from Mystery Science Theater, N'Sync, that british chick from Farscape, Captain Kirk, the "wassup" guys, the Budweiser frogs, Sam Beckett from Quantum Leap, Yoda, John Delancie, or Invader Zim.

I AM making fun of the following: Janeway.

Enjoy this Harpergirl! Original!

The Weirdest Crossover Fic!

Harper was walking down the hallways of the Andromeda Ascendant. He was bored, as usual. It was odd—every few weeks something really exciting would happen, but the time in between was very dull and slow. Why is that? he thought.

Suddenly Harper found himself in a very different place. No longer in the halls of Andromeda, he was in some weird white corridor, with a square outlook and clean features. It looked stupid. Behind him, he heard very raspy breathing. Seamus Harper turned slowly and looked up and up. A huge figure cloaked entirely in black stood there. It had an ugly, twisted black mask on that didn’t show any of his features. Harper took a step back, startled. “What the…”

“Harper,” breathed the creature. It took deep, gasping breaths, as though each time were a struggle.

“You’re in the worst outfit I’ve ever seen.”

“Harper…” He took a deep, grating breath. “I am your father.” The man held out his hand. “Join me in the dark side.”

Harper took a few more steps backward. “Boy, you are screwed up, aren’t you?” He swivled on his heel and walked away very quickly. When he rounded a corner he found himself back in one of the Andromeda’s halls. Harper turned around and walked backward so he could see the man in the suit standing there, puzzled. Then he bumped into someone else.

“Woo!” It was a lean, tall man who seemed to be impossibly skinny. He started walking backwards, sliding on his heels. “This is Dylan…” sang the man in a high but good voice. “Dylan Hunt… And no one’s gonna save him for three hundred freakin’ years ’cause this is Dylan…Dylan Hunt.”

The engineer didn’t hang around for long. He took off, zipping down the hallway. Harper jumped into an old crew quarters and stood in the doorway, panting. “Check out the Hawaiian shirt,” said someone behind him. Harper was almost afraid to look over his shoulder.

A man and two ugly robots—one that looked like a bubble gum machine and another that had some sort of net on his head—were sitting in a few movie chairs eating popcorn. The human was talking. “It’s louder than the movie.”

“Yeah, and he’s way too dramatic,” said the bubble gum machine.

“I’m Croooooooooow!” yelled out the golden colored one.

“Shut up!” said the others.

Harper paled and went back into the hallway. “What is going on?” he asked the emptiness. “Who are all these people?”

A tall, strong-looking woman rushed past him, almost knocking him over. Harper gaped at her. “Have you seen Logan?” she asked in a crisp British accent.

“Huh? Uh…maybe.”

“Great!” groaned the woman. “Where the frell is he?” She went marching along.

Harper had about had it now. He called out, “Andromeda? Hey, Rommie?” There was no answer. Since the com-lines apparently weren’t working, he decided to go to the command deck and see what was going on.

He passed a group of five guys singing a weird song and dancing. "Sparky pop...Sick and tired of hearing all these people talk about...What's the deal with Hawaiian shirts and when are they gonna fade out? The thing you got to realize there's a message I'm trying to send...I've got the gift of comedy and I'll bring it to the end!" Harper didn't like the guys but the song seemed pretty sweet. He kept walking.

It wasn’t long before he bumped into someone else. This man had strong features with a green shirt and tight black pants on. “Who…are you?” asked the man.

“What? No, who are you?”

“I’m…Captain Kirk,” continued the man, pausing at all the wrong moments. “What have you…done with…my ship?” Kirk gestured around with his hands. “This is not…the Enterprise. I must…have her, she’s a…beautiful woman whom I…love very much.” He suddenly looked very confused. “Spock? Bones? Where…are we?” And he went ambling along the corridor.

Harper was starting to wonder if all this was real or if he had finally had one Sparky Cola too many. He turned another corner and started down another vestibule. “Have there always been so many freakin’ hallways?” he asked himself.

It didn’t take long for him to run into someone else. They were two teenagers carrying cigarettes and beers. “Wasuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup?” they asked him.

“Huh?”

“Wasuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup?” they reapeated.

“I don’t understand you!”

They shrugged and kept walking, chanting, “Wassup? Wassup? Wassup? Wassup?”

Harper passed a pond filled with frogs. The frogs began to croak out something. “Bud,” said one. “Why,” said another. “Ser,” finished the last one. “Bud…why…ser. Budweiser…Budweiser.”

Harper hurried his pace. He passed a small, petite woman who kept saying, “Al? Al, where are you?”

“Who’s Al?” asked Harper, curious.

“Al is my hologram friend that only I can see. I’m Sam Beckett.”

Harper looked the woman over. “Yeah. Riiiiiiight.”

He was almost to the command deck and didn’t notice a short green figure with long ears scuttling past until it said something. “Where go you, one young?” it asked him in a twisted way.

Harper stared down at the thing. “Uh…I’m trying to get to the command deck.”

“Do, or do not. There is no try.”

“What? Of course there is a try.”

“No!” The little creature banged his cane down on the floor. “Do or do not! No try!”

“But I—”

“I sense much fear in you. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to the dark side.”

“You know, you should really hook up with that guy in the cape.” Harper pointed down a hall. “I think he’s over there…”

“The force is strong in you,” said the creature, and then he continued walking casually down the hall.

Harper shook his head and went into the command deck. Inside, just standing around, was a lady with a black outfit with a streak of red at the top. She whirled around and pointed her small gun at him. “What’s going on?” she demanded.

“Hey—I don’t know. I was just coming up here to see what’s wrong.”

“I will kill you and everyone else on this ship to get home,” said the woman angrily, “even though it would take me so many years I’d be dead by the time I got there. I’ll kill anyone to get home.”

“Oh! You’re that bitch, Janeway! Hey, Andromeda?”

Rommie’s hologram appeared standing in between them. “Yes, Harper?”

“What is going on?”

“I don’t know. But I think the ship has been separated into different universes. You know, kinda like that dreadful Voyager episode.”

“Which one? They all sucked,” chuckled Harper.

“The one called ‘Myriad,’ I think.”

Suddenly one of her view screens clicked on. There was a little green creature with antenna and big red eyes. He was an animated character. “Bow before me, pathetic Earthlings!” he said in a squeaky voice. “I am the Urkan invader! Fear me!”

“Cut that off, won’t you?” asked Harper.

“Gladly.” Andromeda cut the screen off.

“What are we supposed to do about this?”

“Hmm…” Rommie thought for a moment. “Since this is just a work of fiction—and a bad one at that—just about anything would work. You could stand on your head and everything would be back to normal.”

“Not worth it,” decided Harper.

There was a great gathering of light. It looked like someone was *beaming* into the room. The particles took shape, revealing—you got it: it was Harpergirl, the writer of this weird piece of fiction. “All right, I’m tired of this,” she announced proudly.

“Tired of what?” asked Janeway. “I demand you take me home!”

The command deck door slid open and John Delancie walked in. Harper looked back at him. “Hey, aren’t you Beka’s Uncle Sid?”

“No, he’s Q!” yelled Janeway.

“Oh, I’m no one,” said Q/Sid. He held up a small bottle. “Flash, anyone?”

“Get out!” said Harpergirl. “This fic is almost over! I can’t deal with another character right now!”

Q/Sid shrugged and left the command deck. Harpergirl nodded approvingly and turned back to Harper and Janeway. “All right, first things first.” She pulled out a long wand and pointed it at Janeway. “Like the wand? Stole it from Harry Potter. Now, I need a spell…how about…how about this: DIE, LOSER!” A bolt of lightning shot out from the tip of the wand and hit Janeway, who vaporized into dust.

The color drained from Harper’s face as he looked with fear to Harpergirl. “Are you gonna kill me to?”

“Frell no!” She put up her wand and walked over to him. “I’m gonna kiss you.”

“What? Hey, wait—”

“You can’t resist!” she told him happily. “It’s my fic and anything can happen.” She leaned up and kissed him lightly on the lips. “There. That’s better. Now I’ll just restore your ship…there. Everything is back to normal.” And Harpergirl took a step back and disappeared once more.

Beka and Trance came strolling into the command deck. “Hey, Harper, what’s up?” asked Beka.

“Nothing. Just another boring day.”

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Harpergirl, the not-so-secret admirer of the Harper:
"Call me the love god, baby!" I always do.
"If you want pleasure, you're talking to the right guy." Don't I know it!
"Trust in the Harper, the Harper is good." Forever and ever and ever!
So, when will you pick me up tonight? "Cry me a river and drown in it." Damn. Rejected again.

[This message has been edited by Harpergirl! (edited August 31, 2001).]

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Why do people by houses they can’t afford with money they don’t have to impress people they don’t know? Because they’re freakin’ idiots!
Not everything has to be a life or death situation, so don't worry about stepping on the wrong piece of ice. Sweet dreams! :-*
[i]--Mumba, a real sweet guy!

I snickered all the way through untill the 'DIE, LOSER' bit, then I totally lost it.

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Dylan's quite the boyscout,
he's also very cute.
I'd love to stroke his force lance,
and try to make it shoot

Andromeda Uncovered http://www.geocities.com/maryavatar

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Andromeda Uncovered

Ani

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Tyrant, Second wife to XxTyrxX, mother to Valeria, Ian, baby Tyr, 4 others, and still others by default
He must always have that part of him that YOU JUST CAN'T TRUST.''
KHC on Tyr, emphasis mine
Never underestimate the power of words
Social Climbers - They will quite cunningly take whatever Alpha prerogatives you stupidly give them.
Magniac Defender Against Social Climbers
COZA, Keeper of Tyr's Insecurity Clearance
Ani

Yeah, I did a lot of current pop culture stuff--N'Sync, bud frogs, those stupid wassup guys...Maybe next time I'll mix up the presidents and put the beatles on there.

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Why do people by houses they can’t afford with money they don’t have to impress people they don’t know? Because they’re freakin’ idiots!
Not everything has to be a life or death situation, so don't worry about stepping on the wrong piece of ice. Sweet dreams! :-*
[i]--Mumba, a real sweet guy!

BTW, the rest was great! Especially yoda! Although i could see harper using him as a football....

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-Full Harpy(since 2000 in my heart, but only 2001 on paper), Roman, and Gutterite(2002)
-Harpy Bed Maker
-Keeper of ZackAsh's Little Headaches, The MGS signs, and The Wagging Harper Tush
-My name's Harper's and I'm in Factions Anonymous as well as well as the Maru Ferderation's Expendable Extras Chief of Staff
-Honorary Tyrant, Bekance, Dylanite, Than Hegemonist, Magniac, TyRoman, MattJoe, Harpentines, Zackash, Wolfe Pack, Chinhead, Bekaneer, and Trancer.
-It's only cheating if you get caught.
-Why? Why? Because...Because I didn't like their stupid fish music, that's why!

quote:

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Originally posted by Harper's:
I read your little warning...I was giggling. Got to the Michael Jackson part...started laughing...then I read your NSYNC part, and I was one Happy Harpy! One of my filks did some good! YEAH!!!!!!!! I'm overjoyed here. This equals getting on TV for me. Pathetic huh?

BTW, the rest was great! Especially yoda! Although i could see harper using him as a football....

---

Yes, I totally loved your filk--I've got it memorized. It's probably my favorite filk ever. And I thought the Yoda part was the best. Yoda's all, "Do or do not. No try" and Harper's all, "Yes, I can try if I want!" I just think that would be a hilarious conversation.

{{{{{{{{ILH}}}}}}}}, sheesh, you're gonna make me blush...

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Why do people by houses they can’t afford with money they don’t have to impress people they don’t know? Because they’re freakin’ idiots!
Not everything has to be a life or death situation, so don't worry about stepping on the wrong piece of ice. Sweet dreams! :-*
[i]--Mumba, a real sweet guy!

That was a great fic! I giggled a lot, but I totally lost it at the "DIE, LOSER!" JK Rowlings should consider adding that as an actual spell in Harry Potter.

{{{Harpergirl!}}} Great fic!

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-- Laoise
Full Tyrant | Honourary Harpy | Honourary Romman
Member of the SlipStream Hug Club
Protector of Tumbleweeds
Possibilities FanFiction Archive

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"I like being part of the moral majority; it gives me a false sense of power and authority." Jazzberry Ram -- 'White Middle-Class Angst'

Caridad

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TyrsSexySpanishMaid, Loyal Tyrant Mmmmmm, Papi!XOXOXOXOXO

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TyrsSexySpanishMaid
Loyal Tyrant....Mmmmmmm, Papi!

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Today's lessons: Never let a strange Perseid tongue kiss your dataport, and always practice safe downloading. :D

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Harpy
ZackAsh-er
Honorary Roman
Member of the Maru Federation
Keeper of Harper's Screwdriver in the Gutterites